didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
