So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize