I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
