also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize