I need to stop coming to work sober
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
