it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
