I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize