Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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