Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
