for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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