so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Even my vagina gasped.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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