I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
