I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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