Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Randomize
