so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
