Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
