how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
