Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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