the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
