she looked like the before picture.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
