He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Randomize
