her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
my being single is dangerous.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
