I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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