Where did you get a picture of my penis
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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