and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
