Whod you bang
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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