I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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