It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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