Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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