I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
