Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
he quoted the bible to break up with me
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
