I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
