theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
