There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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