yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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