so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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