the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
