we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
