You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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