So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
