Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
