Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
