I hate your face
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
