dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
