It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
