Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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