Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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