I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
