Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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