Your tits are I can't wait for
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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