did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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