I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
