I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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