So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
