He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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