Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
