you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize