sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
