If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
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