Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
