Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
