May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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