Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Michael Bay diarrhea
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
