I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
