i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
