I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
