Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
