I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
the day after is always just damage control
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
