I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
