You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
