He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
