Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize