I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Randomize
