I must be too annoying 4 u.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
