Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
