I hate all girls vehemently.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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