im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
