My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize