Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
