So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize