got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
