if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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