im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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